Afraid My Work Won’t Work

What If My Best Isn’t Enough?

If I'm allowed to see it, in less than 30 days I'll have a marker of being another year older. Approaching 32, it's time for my annual reflection. I really wanted to sit back and think about what my Heavenly Father is trying to show me.

He revealed to me that I'm in an unpacking season. He's unpacking who I've been to show me who I'm becoming.

I prayed for Him to show me the Mo' He sees, and today I'm sharing some of that with you all.

The first thing Yah is bringing me to unpack is my struggle with commitment.

Why is it so hard for me to follow through?

Ultimately, it’s a hard-hitting combo of a lack of faith and a fear of failure.

Let’s start here.

“I Don’t Have Commitment Issues!”

That’s what the old Mo' would say. The old me was so busy reading everyone else, she could never take a read.

The truth is, I struggle with commitment—not because I’m lazy, not because I’m inconsistent, but because I’m afraid.

I allowed the spirit of depression to sit on me and cause me to act lazy. So defeated inside I couldn't move.

I consistently gave up on me… which easily translated into inconsistently trying my best.

It’s not that I’m afraid of the work…I’m afraid that my work won’t work.

That it won’t be enough.

That I won’t be enough.

Today’s journaling prompt asked me to name three areas where I struggle to follow through. My answers came quickly because Yah has already begun this work in me:

My faith — My love life — My career

Each one touched a part of me that still carried silent fears. Here’s what I found when I looked closer:

1. My Faith: Hiding from the One Who Sees Me

I love Yah. I want to walk in obedience. But when I fall short, guilt and shame swallow me whole.

I know He deserves better from me, and that knowledge makes me want to run and hide—just like Adam did. I tuck tail. I retreat.

Not because I don’t care, but because I care so much that falling short makes me feel unworthy to even show up.

If you really know the Heavenly Father, then you know—you don’t play with Him. Period.

Don’t go telling Him what you’re gonna do and don’t do it.Don’t go thinking you’re doing something big, only to have Him humble you and show you just how small you really are.

You’re best off being honest.

Yahuah knows that when we struggle with identity, we do one of two things: We either shrink in hopes of not being seen…Or we puff ourselves up trying to be the biggest thing in the room.

“Just because He knows, doesn’t mean He’s with it.”

(That’s Black girl for: Just because He understands your issue doesn’t mean He wants you to stay in it.)

He doesn’t want us hiding like Adam. That moment in Genesis wasn’t about Him not knowing—it was Him saying:

“You know Daddy knows what you did. I saw you when you did it. Now, I want you to tell me. Let’s talk about it.”

That right there? That’s love.

Now the flip side—when you puff yourself up to avoid feeling small?Abba Yahuah will let you build yourself up… just so He can tear it down.

Oh, He will break you—if you belong to Him—because that’s how He shows you that you need Him.

You have to understand: No matter how many accomplishments you achieve,no matter what success looks like…

Nothing can make you truly you except Him.

So instead of pretending, we’re better off admitting where we fall short. That’s how we make space for His strength to show up.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”— 2 Corinthians 12:9

2. My Love Life: Afraid to Offer What Might Not Be Enough

When it comes to love, I was afraid that even the best of my love wouldn’t be enough. That someone might look at all I have to give and say, “That’s nice—but not what I want.”

That would crush me.

So instead of risking that heartbreak, I play it safe. I hold back. I don’t put myself in a position to have to give more of myself to someone else.

But that self-protection has turned into self-sabotage.Because in trying not to be rejected, I’ve been settling for less.

The truth is—I’ll always either be “too much” or “not enough” for the person that wasn’t meant for me.

That’s why it’s so important not to give yourself away—

Mentally.

Physically.

Sexually.

Spiritually.

The person Yahuah has for you? They’ve been praying for you. And you’ve been praying for them.

So while you wait…Work on the love you have for the Father. He will bless you with the person He designed to love you in return.

The beauty of waiting for the one is knowing the love is blessed by Abba Yahuah. There’s security in that. There’s peace in knowing the relationship will mirror the love the Father has for you both.

After all, He designed you two to fit—Seamlessly. Becoming one flesh, under His blessing.

And that’s something lust can’t buy.

3. My Career: The Fear That My Gifts Don’t Shine

This fear shows up loudest in my work. I question whether my hair services are actually good. Whether anyone really wants to buy what I create. Whether anyone even cares what I have to say.

And then I hear those old voices:

“Nobody’s going to book you.” “No one’s going to buy your stuff.”“You don’t get likes—people think you’re weird anyway.”

Even when I believe in myself for a moment, the clouds of self-doubt roll right back in. I get glimpses of who I could be—but the moment it’s time to act, if it doesn’t come naturally the first time, I convince myself it’s not meant.

And I quit. Again.

It’s rare for me to see things all the way through. But Yahuah—through Yahusha—has started to show me what courage looks like. What healing really looks like.

Whatever is meant for me will come forth. Even if no one else sees it at first. Even if no one understands.

Because everything is revealed in His time.

He’ll show me first—and then He’ll use me to show someone else.

With Yahusha, it is possible. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My talents are a gift from Yahuah—and they carry value.

It’s not me that makes my work great. It’s Abba Yahuah working through me.

That’s what gives my work purpose. That’s what makes my calling beautiful to witness.

The Pattern: “At Least It Wasn’t Everything”

There’s a part of me that thinks…If I never give my all, then I never really lose. If I fail, at least it wasn’t everything. At least I still have something left.

But the truth is—I’m already losing by not showing up fully.

There’s no safety net in running from what I’ll have to face. No protection in avoiding the pressure that was designed to shape me into who I was born to be.

I can’t become who Yahuah has called me to be while hiding from the very process that molds me.

So I have to trust Him—with my weaknesses, my fears, and my inconsistencies. And I have to believe that He’ll keep strengthening me as I go.

Closing Reflection

I wrote all of this because I know I’m not the only one. I see so many women fighting silent battles that speak loudly. I know someone else is afraid their best won’t be enough. Someone else is dancing with potential… but scared to go all in.

So this is my honest moment. We keep it real here.

I don’t have a bow to wrap this up. I’m still in the middle of it. I’m fighting through it. And some days—it’s fighting me.

But I’m choosing to keep showing up—with my shaky hands and all.

Because Yah said I only need the faith of a mustard seed.

Even though it’s small…Maybe giving that seed my all is how Yah will help me finally break free.

Shalom ❤️